Burnout

I am taking the day off from work today.  I am taking what my company calls a "Personal Day".  That is the box I will check when I get back to work and fill out my "PTO Request".  The "PTO" stands for "Paid Time Off".  That is so stupid.


I haven't taken a day off of work since my son was born in the middle of February, so I figured it was about time.  This was however a completely spontaneous decision.  When I went to bed last night I had full intentions of working today, and although my stomach was experiencing a kind of mild turbulence last night, I am not ill.  Hence the "Personal Day".


I noticed before I started to write this that my last post was in mid December - that's a good break, I guess.  While writing is one of the most enjoyable things that I do, I haven't done it in over 6 months.  There is absolutely no excuse for that.  I could say that work has been crazy and that taking care of a baby leaves me emotionally and physically drained, but those are tired excuses made all the more ridiculous when you figure that writing actually gives me energy.  I have no defense.


So today I have decided to turn off the work phone completely.  I waffled for a bit this morning on this subject.  Most of the time that I am not at work, I still have my phone on and I can't help but read e-mails or listen to messages throughout the day.  I tell myself that it is okay because the phone is on "vibrate" - it is not like it is ringing - just an erratic buzz, like a downed power wire or a dental drill.  It is beyond annoying.


And just to set the record straight, I am not "techie" or even a particularly hard working person.  I do not really care that much for the customers that are calling me, nor do I feel any real need to solve their problems.  There is no altruism in my constant phone checking.  It is more Pavlovian than anything, and I will not do it today.


Today will be a day that I spend with my family doing what I want to do - accomplishing things that interest me, fulfill me, and bring joy to my life.  I will take care of myself so that I might better take care of others.  It will be a day that will help resuscitate my withering interest in my career by getting the Hell away from it for a little while.  A day that I will re-think things and take the time to really pay attention to what life is saying to me.  A day that will be lived the way I want to live it.


I guess you would call it, a "Personal Day".