Option Letter (Revised 2009)

Dear [Name of Client],

Let me first say that all of us here at [Name of Company] were very shocked and surprised to find out about your wish to discontinue our business relationship.  You must believe me when I say to you, that this is the part of my job that I truly hate.

For several [years/some months], you have depended on us to provide the sort of seamless, dependable services that you have come to rely upon in order to grow your business.  To be quite honest, we have also come to rely upon your prompt payments for our services to pad our bottom line - contrary to popular misconception, corporate jets are as expensive as ever!  

Sounds like what we have here is a co-dependent relationship, which as most mental health professionals will tell you , is not a good thing - someone is always let down.  In this case, it’s you.

It is our complete and reckless dependence on your business that moved us to hire our legal team to draft a document several years back called the Customer Service Agreement, or as we refer to it in ambiguous double-talk, the CSA.


Remember when one of our representatives came by your place of business not too long ago and asked you (or maybe just someone standing in your lobby) to update your CSA?

We do, and trust me, we made copies.

Enclosed is a copy of the most recent CSA that you or someone in your employ (perhaps a member of a third-party janitorial service) signed, stating that he or she was in authority to extend your business agreement with us another [36 to 60] months.

Make no mistake, this is a legal and binding document.  Believe me, it was not cheap to hire one of the most feared law firms in the free world to draft such an iron-clad contract.  In fact, when you told me last week that you couldn’t believe your eyes when you opened your billing statement from us, it reminded me of our surprise eighteen years ago when we got the bill from Stearns, Gloucester, and Stein!

While we are on the subject of things that you said over the phone last week, I would like to revisit one particularly unsavory comment that was made in what I now believe was a moment of weakness and fear.  Neither I, nor any member of my company (that I know of), is currently nor have ever been a practicing member of the Nazi party.  I understand that in times of financial distress (48% increase on your last bill) we can all say some things that we don’t mean, so I am willing to overlook your slanderous (maybe?) comment.

However, one other comment that you made makes no sense to me and I should like to revisit it now, in this letter.

When you said that my company and I were making you feel as if you were, “held hostage,” how, exactly, did you mean that?

Although most would agree that being held hostage is not a good thing, my mind immediately jumped to Nelson Mandela and the trials he had with his own South African government.  He was “held hostage” for 27 years, but still he emerged to become the first democratically elected president of his country and later won the Nobel Peace prize - I think it is safe to say, that being “held hostage” is not always a bad thing.

Also, you might reference Patty Hearst, she was held hostage by a left-wing guerrilla group and developed Stockholm Syndrome, which is a condition in which the captive starts to identify with the captor.  If I may speak openly, I think our business relationship could use a little less finger-pointing, and a whole lot more of what Ms. Hearst discovered.  Food for thought...

Anyway, back to your contract, or “agreement.”  As our current records show, the terms of your most recently signed CSA show that you are bound to honor the terms of this agreement until June of 2012, unless my assistant finds a more recently signed document, which could happen because the office is such a mess right now from our weekly “Champagne and Caviar Wednesdays.”


After you break into the fifth case of bubbly, these little parties can get out of hand in a hurry - I am sure you can identify.

But, assuming that this is the most current document we can find, it is now my job (the part I really hate, remember) to make you aware of your options going forward:

Option 1: 

Honor the existing agreement that you (or someone) signed and keep moving forward like nothing ever happened.  We have found this to be the most agreeable and polite of all options.  Best of all, it requires no additional effort on either of our parts - Bonus!

Option 2:

Honor the existing agreement to the end of its term and discontinue services by sending a letter “certified mail” with your intent to cancel not less than 60, but not more than 59 days prior to cancellation date.  Quite honestly, this is a coward’s way out, and we do not recommend it.

Option 3:

You may prematurely exit your existing agreement by paying what our company refers to as “Liquidated Damages”.  Liquidated damages for your account amount to either six months of the base rate of your current bill plus any current balance, or six months of my boss’ current car payment, whichever is greater.  (Note:  My boss is currently driving a  2009 7 series BMW, which she claims she got “for a steal”, so you may be in luck!)

On behalf of myself and the rest of the staff here at [Your Company Name Here], we hope that you have found this correspondence full of valuable information and erupting with agreeable options.  Please take the time to review your wide array of choices and select the one that works best for both of us (hint: Option 1).

If you have not responded to us within 12 hours of receiving this letter we shall assume that you have selected Option 1 (remember, no additional work on your part) and wish to continue down the path that our companies have so boldly forged together - a path paved with trust, encapsulated in honesty, and leading toward a new world of honor, prosperity and profit!  

Please forgive me, I tend to get a little dramatic when I think about our shared business relationship of [years/some months].

Anyhoo, better let me know something pretty soon - tick-tock, tick-tock...

With Warmest Regards to You and Yours This Holiday Season,

Beau M. Adams