Things I was Actually Thinking About When I Have Said That I Was Listening:

Sex

Surfing - not really learning how to surf, but just kind of knowing how to do it - and how kick-ass that would be.

When sharks die, do they float to the top like smaller fish or what happens?  'Cause you never just see a dead shark floating around.  Whales - same question.

Hang Gliding - How does that work?  I have at best a precursory knowledge of thermal updrafts.  This will require further investigation.

Having sex with the person that I am supposed to be listening to.  I wonder what that would be like?  Probably pretty good.

What kind of dog would best fit my trendy, urban lifestyle?  No little yippers, though - I don't care for those.

How did I end up here listening to this asshole?  I was supposed to be an English Professor at a prestigious all- girls college in New England with patches on my jacket sleeves and other shit like that.

Sex with supermodels - I bet it’s not all its cracked up to be.  I bet there is a bunch of bullshit you would have to put up with and eventually you would just be like, "Man, this is too much bullshit to put up with."

Living in Italy on the Amalfi Coast wearing wrinkled linen suits and maybe learning how to sail.  I don't know, sailing?  It is sooooo pretentious.  Maybe just something simple like "collector of fine art."

Maybe I should take up making things out of stained glass.  I like stained glass, and I need a new hobby.  No, fuck that.  What would I do with all of it?  Nobody likes to get that shit as a gift, anyway.  That's a stupid idea.

Do they still make glue out of horses?  Did they ever, or is that just bullshit?  There are a wealth of adhesives out there these days - are they all made from horses?  Wouldn't that be like a shitload of horses?  What's up with that?  And, why just horses?  Why not Congressmen?  Oh, Beau you’re so clever.  Oh shit, stop smiling, they can tell you're not listening, again.

Did I eat anything yet today?  Oh yeah, I had that crappy breakfast burrito from the convenience store.  Why did I eat that?  The checkout girl was pretty, though.  I wonder what it would be like to have sex with her?  Probably pretty good.