Yesterday, I thought that it might be nice, even satisfying to go back to work one last time and hand in all of the little snares that have been provided for me by my job over the years. These seemingly harmless items that are portrayed as perks that tether you to the company you work for with an increasing, exponential power. Yes, I thought it might be really nice to drive out to work one last time and bundle together my work phone, company credit card, pike pass, and office key in one neat little parcel - perhaps with a wide rubber band, I thought.
Fast forward 24 hours and I am thinking that just going to the post office and mailing them is a much better idea. I can't even stand to think about going back there at this point. The only reason a person would keep doing something that they did not want to do is because of fear. Fear of failure, fear of being perceived as utterly irresponsible, fear of being judged.
How can a grown man just quit his job and give up his paycheck and health insurance? How can he just throw away everything just because "everything" means nothing to him?
Don't get me wrong, I love paychecks - as a matter of fact, they happen to be my favorite thing about work! I also love and am grateful for the health insurance that we have been able to afford - it is a great feeling to know that your son's doctor visits are all covered save for $40.00.
But isn't there a way to have that stuff and happiness, too? If quitting your job to try and do something that makes you happy is irresponsible, what is staying in a job that makes you miserable? Admirable? Dutiful? Ridiculous?
Like most people, I work more than I do anything else in my life. I now average about 55-60 hours per week - some of that at night or during "off" hours. I make a large amount of money for my company of which I get to keep a small amount for myself. I have no fewer than seven bosses that I answer to from Tulsa to Kansas City to Springfield to Chicago. If I do something stupid enough, I might even find out that I have a few more (Phoenix, perhaps). I am well thought of at my job and as such have been recently promoted which would seem like a good thing except I could care less. I can't remember the last time that something happened at my job that led to genuine excitement on my part. However, I can easily remember all of the times that I knew I was supposed to be excited and had to fake it.
The simple fact of the matter is, I am not cut out for traditional work. I never have been. I have always felt that my biggest curse is that I can perform traditional work, so I seem to have no built-in excuse not to. Well, here is my excuse: I don't want to.
I realize that at this point I am operating on about the same level as a five year old, but you know what, I am fine with that. Maybe five year olds have it right. Most five year olds are much happier than thirty-five year olds or forty-five year olds for that matter. In fact, I want to do what five year olds do.
I want to run and play and draw and paint and learn and ask questions and build things and invent stories and make up games and laugh like a crazy person when something strikes me as funny and cry like a baby when someone hurts my feelings. I want to be in awe of my surroundings - I want to be excited about things... genuinely excited.
Since I do very much believe that the Universe brings to you what you ask for, here is my wish list:
How can a grown man just quit his job and give up his paycheck and health insurance? How can he just throw away everything just because "everything" means nothing to him?
Don't get me wrong, I love paychecks - as a matter of fact, they happen to be my favorite thing about work! I also love and am grateful for the health insurance that we have been able to afford - it is a great feeling to know that your son's doctor visits are all covered save for $40.00.
But isn't there a way to have that stuff and happiness, too? If quitting your job to try and do something that makes you happy is irresponsible, what is staying in a job that makes you miserable? Admirable? Dutiful? Ridiculous?
Like most people, I work more than I do anything else in my life. I now average about 55-60 hours per week - some of that at night or during "off" hours. I make a large amount of money for my company of which I get to keep a small amount for myself. I have no fewer than seven bosses that I answer to from Tulsa to Kansas City to Springfield to Chicago. If I do something stupid enough, I might even find out that I have a few more (Phoenix, perhaps). I am well thought of at my job and as such have been recently promoted which would seem like a good thing except I could care less. I can't remember the last time that something happened at my job that led to genuine excitement on my part. However, I can easily remember all of the times that I knew I was supposed to be excited and had to fake it.
The simple fact of the matter is, I am not cut out for traditional work. I never have been. I have always felt that my biggest curse is that I can perform traditional work, so I seem to have no built-in excuse not to. Well, here is my excuse: I don't want to.
I realize that at this point I am operating on about the same level as a five year old, but you know what, I am fine with that. Maybe five year olds have it right. Most five year olds are much happier than thirty-five year olds or forty-five year olds for that matter. In fact, I want to do what five year olds do.
I want to run and play and draw and paint and learn and ask questions and build things and invent stories and make up games and laugh like a crazy person when something strikes me as funny and cry like a baby when someone hurts my feelings. I want to be in awe of my surroundings - I want to be excited about things... genuinely excited.
Since I do very much believe that the Universe brings to you what you ask for, here is my wish list:
- Time - I want lots of time to think and play and figure things out and create. There is no more precious commodity. Everything I desire hinges on time. Time = Freedom.
- I want to walk around and look at things - study things. Maybe I will draw them, maybe I will paint them, maybe I will simply marvel at them.
- Money. I want ample amounts of money. Money to live the life of my dreams, money to aid others, money to start foundations and charities, money to help myself and others.
- I would like to ride my bike to whatever it is I call work.
- I want to spend more time with my family. Not in a creepy congressional scandal way, but in the real way. I want to be around Cari and Grey throughout the day.
- I want to be a great father.
- I want to be the best husband.
- I want to create. I want to write children's books with Cari, I want to write essays, novels, and parenting books. I want to receive an honorary degree from a prestigious University.
- I want to sell and market a line of greeting cards that Cari has created, I want to promote other friends and artists that I now know and soon will meet. I want to show people like me that there is a way for them to have a good life and that there is nothing wrong with having a non-traditional career.
- I want to give back. I want to help those who need it and teach those that are yearning to be taught.
- I want to to be on CBS Sunday Morning.
- I want to be on NPR - preferably Fresh Air with Terry Gross.
- I would love to be a good cook - not a great one, just a good one.
- I would like to travel - Western Europe, the parts of North America that I haven't seen, and then who knows where else...
- I would like to be good at Yoga.
- I would like to be friends/colleagues of David and Amy Sedaris.
- I am strangely interested in beekeeping - maybe that could be a hobby.
- I would like to live my life, write about my life and get paid for it. The world is a strange and wonderful place and I think that there maybe aren't enough people keeping record of that. I would like to volunteer to do that.
- I would like to make/restore furniture. I have no skill that I know of that would lend itself to this, but I would like to give it a whirl, anyway.
- I would like to be smiling most of the time. It should be said about me, "he is always smiling."
I would like to have the guts to do something about all of this. If anyone has any ideas on how I could make this happen, I am listening...
1. Quit your job.
ReplyDelete2. Stalk David Sedaris until he loves you as much as you love him.
3. Catch some bees and "keep" them.
4. Write about how you stalked David Sedaris and caught some bees.
5. Smile about it all.
The first one is the important one.
Sweet Sweet Son-in-Love,
ReplyDeleteTime does not equal freedom. Freedom = freedom and that comes from following your bliss. When you do that, you may not have much time, but it will all be spent smiling. Smiling at your baby as you find creative ways to simplify life while the Universe lines up the hows of the money part. Smiling at your wife while designing cards, etc., that you would be awesome at promoting. Smiling at yourself in the mirror because you woke up excited to take your wonderful product to people who will smile back at you when you show it to them. And smiling at all the people who say you are crazy and irresponsible to give up the salary and benefits because you remember when you were that afraid, too, and now you are free. And smiling because you are healthy and your mind and body and spirit are free of stress and resentment and you can see the result of that healthy spirit in the loving faces of your wife and baby. Go for it, Beau. We are with you 100%. Even if that means we have to pool resources, eat peanut butter and jelly a lot and let our entertainment be each other and that precious baby for a little while, while the Universe works its magic. Beer is cheap and so are genuine belly laughs and precious moments. Whatever you decide, we are with you. Love, Mimi and Poppy